The Life God Blesses - Hope for a New Year and New Life

THE LIFE GOD BLESSES

Reflections from “The Life God Blesses” by Jim Cymbala

“For the eyes of the Lord move to and from throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” 2 Chronicles 16:9

LISTEN

“Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.” Isaiah 55:2-3
The key to a blessed life is to have a listening heart that longs to know what the Lord is saying.

IMITATE GOD

Be merciful, compassionate, kind, full of grace, forgiving - even as the Lord has done to you. Pursue these virtues, knowing that only through His grace can you imitate these characteristics of God.

EARNESTLY SEEK HIM

“…because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

“may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to God.” Psalm 19:14
Desire to please Him with all of your heart. He who delights in the Lord, the Lord rewards with his heart’s desires.
Be humble when blessed, knowing that you need God in everything, and apart from Him you can do nothing. All good things come from him.

“A humble heart is like a magnet that draws the favor of God towards us.” - Jim Cymbala

PRAY AND COMMUNE WITH GOD


“Hannah was praying in her heart.” 1 Samuel 1:13
Praying blesses the church and all the earth.


“The fervent prayers of a righteous man availed much.”

“…the Lord will hear when I call to him.” Psalm 4:3

“…you do not have because you do not ask.” James 4:2

“…in the day of my trouble, I will call to you for you will answer me.” Psalm 86:7

HAVE A SPIRITUALLY TENDER AND SENSITIVE HEART

“Although a sensitive heart makes us vulnerable in other aspects of life, it is essential and leads to great blessing when we’re dealing with the Lord.” - Jim Cymbala
“Because your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before God…and wept before me, I truly have heard you, says the Lord.” 2 Chronicles 34

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Discover every word of God and take each one to heart.

Responsiveness - deep sensitivity - to what God says and feels in His word, about sin, the unsaved, the sick, the hurting, about rejecting Him - draws Him close.

BELIEVE HIS PROMISES - PRAY THROUGH THE LAST HALF HOUR - HAVE A HEART THAT WAITS ON THE LORD

“Choose between what I know in my heart God has promised to do and the negative situations I see with my eyes and feel with my heart every day. This struggle to fight for what God has promised rather than surrendering to what can be seen and felt will continue through my life. There is an ever-present tension between the greatness of God’s promises and the still-unchanged situations I face after we pray.” - Jim Cymbala


God has a designated time when his promise will be fulfilled and the prayer will be answered. His answer is absolutely sure if you trust Him, but it is not yet! (I remember how God has answered my prayers for my family’s salvation from believing his promise in Acts that if I believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, I and my household will be saved…)

Wait in faith and glad expectation. “Without faith it is impossible to please God”. Hebrews 11:6
Wait in prayer; wait with the Bible open confessing his promises; wait in joyful praise and worship; wait while continuing to serve others

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Isaiah 49: 15-16

“BUT THOSE WHO WAIT ON THE Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31

The hardest part of waiting is the last half hour.

“Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;…For you are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day.” Psalm 25:3, 5
“Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!” Psalm 27:14

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined to me. And heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1
Don’t try to solve it yourself. Just wait

“…the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18...“This is what the Lord says: ‘In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you.’”

Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness - Part 5 - Final

That night, the stars were everywhere! Usually, I just looked at them and waited for Somebody to show up. I never talked “out loud” to him - but tonight, I wanted to use my mouth to tell Somebody my Big Secret.

I whispered through the screen: “I’m not little, you know. I cried today but I don’t think that makes me little. I never get picked for Red Rover…but today they let me play - and I really wanted to win for my team - my friends. But I ruined the game for everybody…And here’s my Big Secret:  Somebody, I know that the Red Rover kids don’t like me - even though they called my name first. And I feel stupid because I thought they did… Don’t tell anybody, okay?”

I guess I made it through the next day at school, because I don’t remember what happened. I know I didn’t play Red Rover again. I also avoided any games where teams were being picked. But that same year, I was rushing up some stairs at school to get something I had forgotten after we had been dismissed, and I came face to face with that “little” thing again. An older student stopped me and asked if I needed help. He thought I was a kindergartner and was lost. I told him that I was a first grader and I did not need any help! Then he said, “You are really short”, and ran down the stairs!

Short? I sat down in the stairwell because I needed to figure that word out. “Well, I can’t reach anything without climbing on something…Maybe that is why I am always the first in every line, too…” Out loud, I said emphatically: “I am short”. I didn’t know if that was good or bad, but it was true. And I liked that…

That night, I told Somebody, “Remember when I told you my Secret? Well, now I know why the Red Rover kids don’t like me:  It’s because I’m short…” And I know I heard Somebody say, “But...Big on the inside”…And it sounded like he was smiling…

I grew a new tooth that year - much bigger than the one I lost playing Red Rover.

Anna stopped skipping by my window…I was sorry I didn’t get to tell her that she was “big on the inside”…but I think she knew that anyway…

The Red Rover hurt went away…some kids can only see the outside, and that’s just the way it is…

And Red Rover is a stupid game…

The End

　

Red Rover - Childhood loneliness - Part 4

I slumped out of the big chair and dragged a crate that was under the ironing board over to Joanie’s chifferobe. It was off limits to me. She kept a lot of stuff in the top shelf: her paper dolls, photos of friends, drawing paper, crayons, and scissors. Joanie drew and colored the prettiest dresses for her paper dolls, and I was fascinated with them. Hardly a day went by that I wasn’t sneaking the paper dolls out and playing with them behind Momma’s bed.

But this time, I wasn’t interested in her paper dolls. There was a mirror in the door of Joanie’s chifferobe. It was high up like her stuff, so I climbed on the crate. Joanie had said I was littler than the other kids. I wanted to look and see for myself. It didn’t do any good. All I could see was the top of my eyes - and the big bump on my head.

There wasn’t anybody I could trust to tell me the truth about this. Daddy called me “little girl” all the time, but sometimes he called Joanie that, too. And Joanie had probably called me “little” just because she was my big sister. Momma said I was a “big girl“, but maybe she just didn’t like crying. She never cried. I dragged the crate back to the front room, and decided that I didn’t need any old mirror. I knew I wasn’t little!

That night, after my sister fell asleep, I climbed up on Momma’s and Daddy’s bed. They were talking loudly in the kitchen, so I knew I had time to visit my secret place. I was afraid of the dark, but nobody knew that. I guess I wasn’t really afraid of the dark; it was the loneliness I always felt when it was dark - being alone scared me. There was a big window above the bed. Even if it was cold, I would shove the window up so that I could press against the screen and look up above the roof of the warehouse next door. There was a street light that was always on. I could only see a patch of its light on the corner, but it helped shoo the loneliness away.

If it wasn’t raining - and it rained a lot in New Orleans - I could see the stars sprinkled across the sky. I just knew that Somebody lived up there at night. I had the sense that Somebody watched me a lot through the Night Window - just like I watched people from my window. Somebody listened to my thoughts, too. I don’t know how he did it, but I liked it. I never felt alone when I looked up at the night through that window. I would stay there with Somebody until I heard the beer bottles being tossed in the crate Momma hid in the cupboard under the sink. Then I would go to bed...

　

Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness - Part 3

I wanted to do what Momma said. “be still and nap“, but it hurt too much to lay there and keep thinking about the Red Rover thing. So, I crawled over my mattress and pulled the sheet back from the window that Momma had nailed up for a curtain. Maybe somebody would walk by… My nose got really cold pressed up against the glass panes as I waited …

I guess I fell asleep there, because I didn’t hear Momma come in the Big Room… When I opened my eyes, she was sitting on my mattress, just watching me. She leaned over and gently touched  my bruised forehead and chin. She took my hand and walked me to the bathroom where she washed my face and knees and hands with a warm washcloth. Finally, she looked at the empty space in my mouth. I could still taste the blood - it tasted like licking a penny. She told me I would grow another tooth in a little while.

We didn’t talk about Red Rover. We didn’t talk about how I didn’t want to go to school ever again. We didn’t talk about why she was so sad…She let me climb up in the big purple chair and watch TV, and walked back to the kitchen…and for a while I forgot how sad I was in that place inside me. But I could still feel Momma’s sadness all the way from the kitchen to the purple chair…

My big sister, Joan, came home from school and disappeared in the kitchen with Momma. Joanie was a teenager - 13 - and was in Eighth Grade. She and Momma had secrets together. I didn’t care. Joanie always made Momma’s sadness go away…

My sister came into the front room and said, “Why on earth did you play that stupid game, Kathy?” So. Momma had told her what happened…I didn’t know why, but that made me angry. I stood up in the big chair so that I was taller than Joan - ready for battle. Bravely, I answered: “It isn’t a stupid game. I never got to play before, and today they let me. They even asked me to be the first one to come over.”

She shook her head and looked at me as though I was one of those silly chickens clucking away over at the poultry house. I hated when she did that. “Kathy, you are the littlest of all the kids. That is why they don’t ever pick you - and that is why they called you over first. They knew you were too little to break through!” She shook her head at me again, and went back into the kitchen.

Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness - Part 2

I laid flat on the mattress which I shared with my sister at night. I didn’t like that it was right on the floor because the big roaches would climb right up on it and sleep with us…But this day, I wasn’t thinking about that - I kept getting pictures in my head of the Red Rover kids staring at me and my tooth. I think that is why I cried - because they looked at me like I had peed in my pants. I wanted to cry again…


I looked over at Momma’s and Daddy’s bed which was big and high off the floor. Sometimes, I would wake in the night and be afraid of the dark. I’d hold my breath listening for Momma to breathe. She would cough or something while she was sleeping, and I would be okay. I thought, “Maybe if I cough or something right now, Momma will come check on me…and the Red Rover stuff will go away…” I coughed…and waited…but Momma didn’t come…


My bed was right in front of a floor to ceiling window that never opened, but it was so big that I could see the poultry house on the corner - I could smell it, too - where Momma would get the crates to make furniture for us. There wasn’t much else to look at, except for a car now and then. But if I waited long enough, a man, a woman, a kid - or maybe a dog or cat would show up. I watched people a lot from that second story window.


People do funny things when they don’t think anybody is looking…like scratch their heads - and other places, too, that they wouldn’t do if they knew somebody was watching. I liked the boys the best. There was one boy who would sit on the curb and take one thing at a time out of his pocket. He’d look at it, then put it back. He always sat in the same place, and did the same thing. Sometimes I wondered if he knew I was watching and was just showing off. I liked boys, too, because they did things like throw rocks, and just start running for no reason at all. And they whistled, too! Girls were usually with their Mommas, so they didn’t do anything interesting…


Once, there was a girl I watched from that window for about a week. She wore the same dress every day, and I liked how her hair didn’t stay in her ponytail. She never just walked; she skipped, and jumped off and on the curb into the gutter, as she passed by. I figured she was about my age - 6 or 7 - but she seemed older somehow. (Maybe it was because she wasn’t afraid of being outside by herself. My Momma never let me go anywhere alone because she said that cars, people, and dogs might hurt me). I gave her a name:  "Anna" - because I liked that name...

One day, Anna stopped in front of my house and looked right up at me! I thought for sure that she would be angry because I had been watching her. But she smiled and pointed to the door downstairs that led to our Big Room. I couldn’t believe it! She wanted to come into my house and see me! I hurried and waited at the door upstairs for her. She jumped over the threshold and ran right into the Front Room. She plopped into the purple chair and patted it for me to come sit next to her! She smelled like the wind when it blew dirt around. I told her that I liked the way she smelled. She laughed, jumped out of the chair, and pulled me to my feet. She asked me if I liked to dance, but before I could answer, she started twirling around and around the Big Room. So, I did the same thing! Then she flopped on the floor - hard. So I did the same thing - only I hit one of Momma‘s crates and it went sliding across the room. She laughed so hard that the rubber band holding her pony tail together fell out - and her hair straggled across her face. She laughed at that, too. We danced some more and made each other laugh whenever we fell down or bumped into each other.


Momma must have been in the bathroom or something because we made a lot of noise and she didn’t come in the Big Room to see us for a long time. When she did, she scolded me for unlocking the front door and letting a stranger in the house. She told my friend it was time to leave.


The next day, I had a case of head lice. Momma said it was that “strange child” who gave it to me. I’d still see my friend walk by now and then - and she would always look up at my window and smile. She never gestured to come up again…but I kept the rubber band from her hair under my mattress for a long time…

Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness Part 1

　

“Red Rover, Red Rover, send Kathy right over”.

I put my head down like a bull, and ran with all my strength, hurling my 35 pound body into the linked arms of the two big boys who had called my name. Their arms were as immoveable as the iron stove I ran smack into as a toddler. I flipped over their arms and hit the playground asphalt so hard that everything went black for awhile. I opened my eyes, and realized I was face down in the black ground. I raised my head, and saw shoes and legs standing around me.

Then I remembered tumbling into the air…I didn’t want to remember…

One of the shoes kicked something at me - it was small and white with red stripes. “Yuck! That’s her tooth!” the voice above the shoe repulsed. I buried my head back into the asphalt grave, quenching the humiliation threatening to resurrect in my tears.

The bell rang. I heard the kids rushing away, so I risked raising my head up again. They were lining up in rows, disappearing through the school doors - like bathtub water circling the drain and being swallowed. A second bell rang. As if cued by its shrill sound, tears filed from my eyes, washing my cheeks before drowning into my lips. I was late for class! Momma would be very angry with me…

I pushed up on my hands and knees - surprised at how they were stinging - and stood up. The bloody white tooth glared at me from the black ground …I picked it up and put it in my pocket.

Like a stray cat, I wandered into my first grade class - where I was shooed out - and sent to the nurse’s office. “What happened?“, she asked. “I was playing Red Rover, and…“ She interrupted me, and said, “Stupid game…“ She looked at my head and my knees, then gave me a white piece of cloth to put where my tooth used to be. "I'm sending you home."  I sat and waited for Momma…

I felt the tears starting again . I knew Momma wouldn’t be happy with me. I did a bad thing by getting hurt. I was dirty and there was blood on my dress. I just hoped nobody would tell her I had cried. I remembered crying on my first day at Kindergarten, and Momma telling me I was a “big girl“ - and big girls don’t cry… I took the gauze from my mouth and wrapped it around the tooth in my pocket and wondered how Momma would put it back in…

My family didn’t have a phone, so the school called my Aunt Gertrude who walked to my house to tell Momma to come get me. I waited a long time. The hurt on the outside stopped. But the hurt on the inside was like when I was hungry - but Momma didn’t have anything to cook - and I couldn’t tell Momma how bad it hurt because it made her real sad. Or real mad at Daddy…

I don’t remember what Momma said to me during our one block walk to our house. I don’t remember Momma saying anything to me at all. I know she was sad about what I had done because she walked real slow and only held my hand when we crossed the street. I wondered if she knew I had cried…

We lived upstairs in a warehouse at 1029 Ninth Street, (Momma made me memorize our address - just in case…) that had been converted into one large bedroom where my Momma, Daddy, and my older sister and me slept. (My big brother slept on a little bed next to the kitchen). Momma divided the room up so that we had a “front room”in the bedroom. It only had an ironing board, a big purple chair, a few wooden crates Momma had painted red - and a TV my Uncle James had given us. When Daddy wasn’t home, Momma would let me watch it by myself. But this day, she put me in bed and told me to close my eyes and be still - then left me alone in the Big Room. I guessed she was in the kitchen, sitting at the wooden table which left little pieces of itself under my skin. Momma was probably drinking coffee and staring at the peeling paint on the 12 foot ceilings. She did this a lot in the day… At night, she did the same thing - except she drank beer instead of coffee…

INNOCENCE LOST - SEXUAL ABUSE

*Psalm 139:16 “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”. 

 *Acts 17:26b “…and He determines the times set for them and the exact places where they should live…”



 I have an incredible gift of remembrances from the time I was about two years old - especially for the houses I lived in. Memories of words, images - (like “home movies” recorded and played again and again…) Divine memories that I am compelled to write down… because they are rich in the revelations of His Presence with me…and the evidence of destiny.


My family lived on Felicity Street in New Orleans. It was known then as the Projects - a community of low-rent duplexes and apartments. Our little place was filled with wonder for me…the back yard where our neighbor Mr. LaRocca would give me chewing gum through the gate - and where my sister played board games, (and left the gate open once - through which I escaped into the most incredible journey of “getting lost”)! The front porch where Momma tried to teach me my right foot from my left, so I could put on my shoes all by myself…the front room where I sat on the floor and watched television shows like “Rin Tin Tin”, “The Lone Ranger”, “Howdy Doody”, and even the news…the kitchen where my sister put her red dish set up high - out of my reach, and where I split my chin open on the iron stove…and the forbidden stairs which led to the dark hallway above…


My “room” was the hallway…my crib was right outside Momma’s and Daddy’s bedroom. I’d wake and peek through the wooden bars, keeping my eyes on their door - waiting for them to wake and free me from my prison! My sister’s room was my favorite - it had a window which promised hours of watching cars, children, birds and dogs, trees, and clouds, (my favorite)! I don’t remember my brother’s room, except that it was small and dark…and at the end of the hallway, was the bathroom…When it was very cold, Momma would stand me up on the closed toilet and use a warm rag to “wash me down”. From my position on the toilet, I could see the sky through a little window above the tub - and I would search for the clouds - or the stars if it was dark outside…


Momma had an old phonograph - I think it was an RCA Victor model like the one with the ads of the dog. It had a dark red cabinet with a door in front. One day, she moved it from her bedroom into the hallway by my crib. I was napping, but woke when I heard a sound near my ear…Opening my eyes, I saw my brother open the phonograph door, and put something in it…I closed my eyes quickly…this was something I would surely investigate when nobody was around…


I spent many days sneaking upstairs and opening that little cabinet - and playing with the baseball cards that my brother hid there. But my greatest joy was the aroma of the mahogany wood which was released when I opened the door…This is where I was - squatting before the phonograph, playing with the cards and inhaling the wonderful fragrance of the red wood - when my predator found me…


Gerod was an older boy - maybe 15 or 16 years old. He was my brother’s friend and came over a lot. My mother cooked and cleaned for his mother - who was crippled - and she really liked Gerod. I didn’t like him - he liked to call me “Coony” - Cajun for “coon ass” - and he had a strange mouth that seemed to sneer at me when nobody else was looking…


I don’t know where Momma was that day…I can’t remember her ever leaving me at home alone before - or after - on Felicity Street…


“Coony”, Gerod drawled. “Put those cards away. I have something I want to show you”. He reached down and took my hands, lifting me to my feet. He led me down the hallway like a sheep to its slaughter…he brought me into the bathroom, and stood me on the closed toilet - just like Momma always did. And then he ruined my life…


I wasn’t raped - physically - I was raped of innocence . He didn’t allow me to be a victim - he seduced me into being a willing participant. He awakened a premature sexual awareness in me that tormented me with guilt and self-hate for most of my life. He used his body to make my me feel things I had never felt or known existed…things that felt good - but felt so very wrong…I lifted my eyes to the window above the tub and drank in the blue skies…there were no clouds…


“Do you like me doing this?”, he asked. I nodded, “yes”. And I remember that I immediately thought, “I want Momma”. His next words were as though he read my mind: “Don’t tell your Momma. If you do, I will never do this again.” Then he pulled abruptly away from me. I was torn - wanting more of those feelings - but despising the one pleasuring me.


I told Momma…I don’t know what words I used from my three-year old’s vocabulary to describe what happened. But she must have understood…she made me lay down on the kitchen table, with the hanging light bulb glaring in my face, and examined me…she found no evidence of assault…and did not believe me…Years later - when I was about 7 years old, Gerod came to visit my mother. She opened the door and embraced him into our home…


The Lord has healed me…for the most part…and forgiven me for the sexual sins I engaged in for so many years because of Gerod’s seduction. He has said often, “Not your fault”…and now at 60 years old, I finally believe Him…most days…


How interesting that “Felicity” - the name of the street where God destined me to live for a time - means “good fortune; happiness”. My name, Kathy, means “purity”. God, who knows all things, and wrote every day of my life in His book before it happened, allowed this evil to rob me of felicity and purity…In His Word, He promises to use everything meant for evil, for the good of those who love Him. He promises to complete the good work He began in me. He promises to redeem the years the locusts ate - the years I was robbed of felicity and purity…And He has! I have gained a depth of compassion for sexual abuse victims - and been equipped to minister to them with Christ’s love! And, I have been given a profound awareness of His Presence in my life. I am so loved! I wonder if I would know His love so well, had I not known hate and evil so well…


Toilets are a place where the Lord meets me! As a housewife and mom, I have cleaned many a toilet! There was a time when bathrooms and toilets often gave me anxiety…but now, His Great Sweetness visits me every time I take the Comet into the bathroom to clean it. He wants me to know I am not alone…I wasn’t alone with Gerod, either…


A while ago, I shared with a friend at church, a little visit I had with Jesus in the bathroom that morning. I realized that this was a “delicate” subject, and I apologized if I had offended her. She looked at me and smiled, then said, “Kathy, about 50 years ago, I was cleaning a toilet, crying my eyes out about my miserable marriage. I was on my knees scrubbing, and looked up toward heaven, and said, ‘If you’re real, and you care, come save me.’ And I was saved that day…cleaning the toilet…”


Ah, I marvel at the Divine in the midst of evil…I marvel at the Divine in the midst of the mundane…I marvel that there is no PLACE He will not go to flush away our pain…

DIVINE COLLABORATION - The Story - Part 7 - Final

I WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE!!!



It is not often that I get to see what I look like after a Divine Appointment with my Lord. But two weeks after being given eyes to see at the DMV, my new driver’s license arrived!

It is not often that I get to see what I look like after a Divine Appointment with my Lord. But two weeks after being given eyes to see at the DMV, my new driver’s license arrived.

There are some things we receive in the mail that are downright delightful! Like a check, a letter or card from somebody we love, a book we ordered…or a renewed Driver’s License! The photo absolutely reflected a grateful heart. Yes, I looked like a convict - most DMV cameras do seem to capture that image, don’t they? But I looked like a convict who was mercifully set free!


I live a miraculous life! So do you! I have eyes to see Divine Moments. So do you! And if you don’t, just ask Him to give you eyes to see. I know He is faithful when we ask this because when I was a child, I saw a picture of Jesus and I told Him I wanted to really see Him. Jesus never forgot that prayer...


Year after year, He sent me Notice after Notice, and year after year, notice after notice, I forfeited my appointment to see Him. When I finally showed up, I got in the wrong line. But He nudged me into the one He reserved just for me. Then He made me sit and wait with time on my hands, until I had eyes to see myself as a sinner and see him as my Savior. And all the while, He was saving my life in the midst of calamities - and even death - because nothing was going to keep Him from that Divine Appointment we made years ago.


One day I will have the Ultimate Vision Test, and I will stand before my Lord. There won’t be any charts to read. He’ll invite me to come closer. Then He’ll say, “Who do you see?” And because of all the Divine Moments where He revealed Himself to me as the Savior of Divine Love, Divine Mercy, and Divine Grace, I will reply: “I see my Savior”. He’ll look into my eyes and say, “You have eyes to see”. And off I will go to Eternity - the place where He is and I will see His glory!

I have a poem to summarize this message:

I have a license to drive…with eyes that can’t see!

I have a Notice of Salvation…a sinner like me!

Moment by moment, The Divine picks the place

To awe me with wonders, and show me His face.

I’ll remember it all - I’ll write it down!

For those Moments happened on Holy Ground.

He writes my story line by line -

A marvelous creation - Divine by Design.

I find the miraculous - not the mundane

As I journey down Destiny Lane.

Come all! Sit at His feet, while He tells your story,

How moment by moment He leads you to Glory.

THE END

　

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SCRIPTURES

For

“Eyes to See”

　

　

Psalm 37:23: “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and He delights in his way”. (NLT: “…He delights in every detail of his life…”
Ephesians 2:3b-5 “…we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved.”

“And the Lord said to Moses, ‘Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered’…” “Moses then wrote down everything the Lord had said.” Exodus 24:4

“And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.” 1John 5:11-13

“Come and listen, all you who fear God; and let me tell you what he has done for me”. Psalm 66:16

“…Do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deut. 4:9

Psalm 146:8 “…the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down.”

　

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”. Psalm 139:16

Acts 17:26b “…and He determines the times set for them and the exact places where they should live…”
John 17: 22, 23, 24a: “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory…”

DIVINE COLLABORATION - The Story - Part 6

    

(continued from Part 5)


I looked at the clock. 1:15pm. Did I just come from the pit of hell, meet Jesus face to face, turn from hate to love, ask for and receive forgiveness, receive eyes to see - in just 15 minutes? That’s the Mystery and the Glory of a Divine Appointment. Like the woman at the well who met Jesus. Like the demoniac at the cemetery who was delivered. Like the blind woman at the DMV who was given eyes to see her pride and grace to be humbled.


In all of about 5 seconds, I tucked my heart back into my body and headed to my Destiny at Window 5. The young tester looked at wearing the Cyclops glasses, And he saw a blind woman at the DMV...


He tested my vision in a little machine. Then he had me read a few lines from a chart, using both eyes, then my good eye. The moment I dreaded came. It was time to cover the only eye I could see with.
“Cover your left eye and read Line 5 on the other chart”.

 I could not distinguish any letters. The whole chart was a blur. My heart sank. What I had feared had come upon me. Then he said, “Move closer. The angle of this chart is awkward.”

 I tried to move where he said, keeping my hand over my eye - but he gave me permission to take my hand down. Then he told me to turn and look at the chart, then cover my left eye. In those one or two seconds before I covered my eye, I saw, with both eyes, all the letters of Line 5 on the chart - it was impossible not to. My tester saw me see them!

 Then he said, “Cover your left eye and read the same line again”. I argued, “Are you sure you want me to read the same line, I mean…I just saw…” He interrupted me and said, “Yes. Read the same line.”

 The chart was still a blur. But, one by one the letters came into focus as my memory provoked them. I really did see them! Still, there were a couple I couldn’t see at all. The tester summoned me to his window.
He lowered his voice, and said, “You need to go soon and have your eyes checked, okay?”

 In the next few minutes, he spoke those words to me two more times. His voice ever so gentle - ever so concerned. “Remember to go soon and have your eyes checked”. “Don’t forget to go soon and have your eyes checked”. I wonder if that was what Peter heard when Jesus said, “Do you love me, Peter”? “Peter, do you love me”? “Do you love me”?


I am convinced that if Jesus had not humbled me when I was judging the “sinners” at the DMV, I would not have been given mercy and grace to pass the vision test. Why? Because pride comes before the fall - and Satan had arranged that Demonic Moment for just that reason. But my Lord had designed a Divine Moment to bring me to humility which always births grace. Psalm 146:8 says “…the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down.”


I thanked the tester profusely! As I walked away to my next Divine Moment, I prayed:
“Memo to God: Remember to reward the Tester, Lord. He is a merciful servant”.


(To be continued - Part 7)

DIVINE COLLABORATION - The Story - Part 5

　
　
Perhaps I have persuaded you by now why I saw this DMV vision test as God’s hand of Sovereignty in protecting the world - and me - from further calamities. I suspected, too, that the angels I know surround me when I drive, were pleading for early retirement due to excessive job stress…


The day of the DMV Vision Test finally loomed, and I arrived at the Pomona DMV without any troubles - except unless you count going the wrong way in the parking lot at the DMV - which I quickly remedied. I had an appointment for 1:15. It was only 12:45. The line was clear out of the building and down the side. I stood in that line for awhile, until it dawned on me that maybe people with appointments have another line! Don’t you love those Divine Nudges - the elbow of God pushing into your thoughts? “Slow down”. “Stop”. “You’re in the wrong line”. I risked losing my place to heed His nudge...



I saw this smiling lady in a uniform with a badge that said, “Information”. I hopefully asked her if there was a line for appointments. She looked at my paperwork and then did the most gracious thing: She escorted me directly to a window where there was no line! “Memo to God”, I said, “Remember to bless this woman, Lord. She is a joyful servant!” I signed in and was told to wait for my name to be called at 1:15.



I sat and began meditating on how I almost missed my appointment by waiting in the wrong line. I closed my eyes for a bit and thanked Him for the Divine Nudge. I had chosen a seat close to an exam window so I could rehearse. You know: covering one eye, then the other…But the letters were pretty much a blur at that distance… Then, I thought that because the place was so loud, I might not hear when my name was called! I picked up my purse and scouted out a seat closer to the lady who promised to call my name. I quickly realized that she was using a booming public announcement system that that could wake the dead. Oh, well, I wasn’t going to move again…and the wall clock was clearly in my seeing distance. I wanted to be certain that when 1:15 came around, the lady didn’t forget me.


Something was happening in me at this point - I realized I wanted to pass the vision test with all my heart - and I knew God had known that all along…


The clock ticked onto 1pm, and I let my eyes roam around the warehouse atmosphere of the DMV. So many people! Young, old - although not too old - because we all know they shouldn’t be driving anyway - and I realized I was probably the oldest one there! With that observation, I shuddered that I could soon be relegated to the ranks of the “license-less”.
　　
　　
I think Satan or one of his cohorts must have saddled up next to me at this point, because all manner of evil was released in my mind through my eyes. Satan devises Demonic Moments to lead us to Demonic Destinies, just like God designs Divine Moments for Divine Destinies. This was a Demonic Moment for sure for I was given eyes to see the depravity of humanity in the DMV. I saw sloppy, ignorant, rude, angry, rebellious people. Parents ignoring their unruly kids, girls and women donning inappropriately suggestive clothing, and the seedy men slyly eyeing them. Then my ears were invaded with inane, secular discussions. But the worst was the filthy language rising up from behind me. I was indignant at the many people speaking in different languages, and that foreigners who cannot even read English are given licenses. Oh, I was lost in judgment and self-righteousness. My eyes saw everything clearly. Sinners.


The Lord did not nudge me this time. He looked at me - like when Peter denied Jesus the third time in the courtyard and Jesus turned around and looked Peter in the eyes. Caught. He saw me judging these people with eyes of pride. I was immediately ashamed.



Was I really any different from any of these? Me? A drug addict, an alcoholic, a thief, a liar? What about my anger, foul mouth, laziness, pride, ignorance, disrespect, perversions, and rebellion against authority, judgment and self-righteousness? The only difference between these sinners and me was that Jesus gave me eyes to see His Divine Moment of Glory as Savior on the cross and to see myself as a sinner, then gave me the grace to repent. And I needed to repent for the log that had just lodged in my right eye. I asked Jesus: “Let me see these people as You see them.” Every man and woman I looked at, looked like me…they were all blind!

 Then I saw the possibilities for salvation in that place! I was a sinner saved by grace! These could be saved by grace, too! I wanted to sing, “Amazing Grace”! I wanted to shout to them, “I was blind, but now I see”! I looked at the blind souls around me, and I loved them! I loved them!


“Kathy Vince Voorhies Sterkel, go to Window 5”.

To be Continued in Part 6...

DIVINE COLLABORATION - The Story - Part 4

The incident that amazed even me, was when I was pulling out of our driveway. Gary had just washed and waxed his truck and my Mercedes. He parked Mercy so that I wouldn’t have to put it in reverse to back out. (He had noticed that this was a tricky maneuver for me.) I had to run an errand, so I got in Mercy. I saw the truck. I saw the mailbox. But I hit them anyway. I just don’t have eyes to see when I am behind the wheel! (Question: Mailboxes in driveways… Is it just me, or is this really the best place to put a mailbox)?

 Then there was the time I was driving my husband home from back surgery. Well, actually, we were still in the parking lot. (I have another question: Who on earth invented underground parking? All those big cement columns! Obviously, I have a destiny with these objects, too). Again, I saw the two columns, but that phenomenon of seeing and yet not seeing occurred. Gary was pretty dopey from the meds so his reaction time was delayed and subdued. For this I will always be grateful.

　
　In time, my husband went from being patiently understanding of the incredible transformation Mercy was undergoing to being dumbfounded, and in just one day, he surrendered to defeat. In my defense, nobody ever told me that if a car is suddenly enveloped in a cloud of smoke, making ominous very loud clunking sounds, and only able to muster up to a maximum speed of 2 MPH, that it should not be driven. I figured I only had about 5 miles to get home and then Gary could fix it. He still says that was the day the Mercedes lost its will to live. I say it was the day he began his journey into believing in God. Over and over again, he said, “Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God”! 

 There was a season when I embraced the darkness of cocaine, alcohol, and pills. I drove while hallucinating. I drove while I was in a blackout. I drove with my children in the car. And I did not have even one accident. I broke the law. I endangered lives. But the Lord, who is rich in Mercy and Grace took the wheel. He was weaving a Divine Destiny even in these things.


During this bondage time, I cleaned up for awhile and cried out to God to help me. It is amazing how he weaved a Divine Moment as an answer to this prayer. A series of accidents occurred within three months. None were my fault. My daughter was with me in three of the five. I was hit by an older woman who said the sun was in her eyes and she didn’t see me! How is that for irony? She had eyes to see, but didn‘t see me! Another driver hit me so hard, that there was nothing left of my car but metal scraps. I walked away without a scratch. I was slammed into by a “hit and run” driver. I wondered at this point if my insurance company would believe I was faultless in all these incidents. I can’t remember the fourth accident…


The accident I have been called to remember again and again is the fifth and last one during that three month season. My daughter and I had just left the doctor’s office and been released from care for neck injuries we suffered in one of the previous accidents. We were sitting at a red light. My daughter asked me, “Mom, do you think we will ever have any more accidents?” I responded: “Honey, the odds are in our favor. We can’t possibly have another accident.” The words were barely out of my mouth when a car smashed into us from the rear. God, who is in control of every detail of my life, who determines my destiny, was not going to let me believe that my life was one of chance and playing the odds - and that nothing was impossible when my times were in His hands. He gave me eyes to see that day that He was writing my story - and He wanted me to remember that.


To date, I have had at least 30 accidents, most of which I cannot explain. I have had many tickets - many less than I should have received - near death experiences, enraged drivers, catatonic passengers, and speechless police officers. Of course, there are the terminally battered autos that have gone to their resting places. And always, the phenomena of seeing but not seeing …


To be continued...

DIVINE DESTINY - The Story - Part 3

(Continued from DIVINE DESTINY - The Story - Part 2)

My "driving career" began in New Orleans when I was a teen. My generation learned how to drive by just driving. I didn’t have a car, I hadn’t had any lessons - and I surely didn’t have a license! (I did have a gift for persuading people that I knew how to drive so that I could borrow their cars.) The first time I drove, I had an accident! I borrowed my brother-in-law’s prized Mustang to drive to the 7-11. When I was parking, I put my foot on the gas instead of the brakes. When the car didn’t stop, I hit the pedal harder and drove straight through the glass store front. The young store clerk told me to just drive away, and he would cover for me! Not too long after this, I side-swiped a half block of parked cars. My friend - whose car I was driving - took the rap, and paid the damages.

Don’t miss the parallel here of where the Divine meets the mundane to reveal the Mercy of Jesus. I broke the law. I was reckless. Others suffered. Yet I didn’t have to pay the price for my transgressions. (Sounds a lot like what Jesus did on the Cross, doesn’t it?) Anyway, I was convicted that I shouldn’t ever drive again. Seven years went by before I sat behind the wheel of a car.

When I moved to San Francisco, my husband said, “You’re 25. You need to get a license.” I pleaded with him to understand that I had a destiny with calamity whenever I drove. He dismissed my fears and pleas as superstition. So convinced was he, that he even volunteered to teach me himself. I think we got as far as the end of the driveway when he demanded I hire a professional driving instructor.

I was the instructor’s star pupil - I even aced driving on the Golden Gate Bridge - and I could stop on a dime at the bottom of a hill! No calamities happened when my teacher was in the car with me. I began to think I had been delivered! The curse was broken! After a month or so, the instructor was confident that I was ready to take the DMV test!

Passing the written and vision tests, I was assigned a DMV officer for the driving portion. He guided me to Chinatown. Unfortunately - and for the life of me - I did not know that pedestrians had the right of way!Honestly, in New Orleans, where I grew up, pedestrians did not have the right of way - at least I didn’t think so…Anyway, I approached an intersection and a crowd was crossing back and forth without any consideration that I was trying to cross. (How dare they!) So, I edged out and tapped a couple of the pedestrians with the nose of the car. They scattered. The DMV officer turned a ghastly shade of grey, then told me to drive immediately back to the DMV -  where he failed me without anymore ado! I was devastated. But I was determined to get a license now at any cost! It wasn’t a curse I was battling - it was the DMV - and my pride.

So, I devised a plan. At 4:45PM on a very rainy Friday, I walked into an obscure DMV office in the suburbs of San Francisco. The only one there was an older man. He had the look of “Oh, no. I just want to go home at 5:00”. Exactly what I had hoped! He locked up the office and let me take him for a spin - I just drove around the parking lot with him. There were no parked cars, no trees, no shrubberies - and no pedestrians! Thanks to that man and my plan, I have been driving legally for the last 34 years. But not without calamities…
I call this next season of my driving career “The Mercy Season”. My husband, had a classic Mercedes which he loved. Of course, he loved me better, so he handed me the keys and it was soon “my car”. I named it “Mercy” - not too clever a name for a Mercedes - but it wasn’t long before I realized it was a prophetic name for the car.. . The calamities started soon after.

To be continued...See DIVINE DESTINY - The Story - Part 4

Divine Collaboration: DIVINE DESTINY - Introduction - Part 1

Divine Collaboration: DIVINE DESTINY - Introduction - Part 1: "Psalm 66:16: “Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me”. Psalm 45:1 “My heart is stirred by a noble ..."

DIVINE DESTINY - The Story - Part 2

I call this chapter in my story: “Eyes to See at the DMV”.

There are some notices we receive in the mail that are downright ominous:

IRS (Notice to Audit); Jury Summons (Notice to Appear), Notice of Eviction, Notice of Foreclosure, Insurance Denial Notice…

I have a certain level of anxiety about these notices, but the one I dread the most is the DMV Renewal Notice, which inevitably has the little box checked off: “Vision Test Required”. It was this notice that I received on a fated day about three years ago that began weaving a Divine Moment for me.

 Since my last vision test at the DMV, my eyes had severely deteriorated to near blindness in my right eye. Somehow, the eye doctors manage to tweak my prescription every 5 years or so - and each time, the lenses get heavier and thicker making me look more and more like a Cyclops. Still, the right eye remains nearly blind. So, I knew that when the DMV said to me, “Cover your left eye and read the chart”, I wouldn’t pass. But I sensed that I was to make that appointment and not just forfeit my license. So I began assessing my options to help me pass the vision test - despite the seeming impossibility.

Option One: I considered asking a doctor if it was possible to make me some snap-on magnifying lenses to put over my glasses just for the eye exam. A Divine Nudge encouraged me to be prudent and check the DMV’s rules on such an attachment. Alas! Snap-ons were not allowed.
Option Two: Study for the test. I let my imagination run wild on this one. I could don a trench coat, put on dark prescription glasses, and sleuth from window to window at the DMV - copiously coping each line of each chart. Then I could memorize them, show up on testing day, and pass the vision test from memorization. I realized this was risky behavior, and that my memory was not that good. And of course, I knew this was not God’s will. (I used to do this years ago - without the trench coat - and when there were only two or three charts in the whole place. I passed many times with this technique.)

My last and only option was to pray: “Lord, you know I can’t read those charts if I cover my good eye. Lord, I’m a homemaker. You know I need to drive to do all the chores my family needs me to do”…  That was when I saw the blessings in not driving! No more grocery shopping - hurling 5lb bottled waters into my car, then wrestling them out of the trunk and into the garage. No more of the tedious, laborious driving chores. At last, my husband would discover the utter joy of being my chauffeur and companion in all my chores. “Driving Miss Kathy”. Oh, this was all good!
　
But where I really, really convinced myself that having my license revoked was a good thing, was that maybe God was saving the world from calamity. You see, apart from being visually impaired, I am “vehically“ challenged…Seriously! I dred parking lots and habitually park my car as far away from others as I can - because I seem to have a destiny for calamity in parking lots with parked cars - as well as trees and shrubbery. (I have a question: “Why on earth do so many parking lots have trees or shrubbery”?) I have a destiny for disaster with these objects, too. ..

Anyway, I did fervently travail with God about all this. I let Him know that I totally understood if my driving days were over. And if I hadn’t cheated all those other times, I would have been forced to hang up my keys years ago. “Years ago” - those words reeled me back to when my driving career began.

To be continued in next blog:  DIVINE DESTINY - The Story - Part 3

DIVINE DESTINY - Introduction - Part 1

Psalm 66:16: “Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me”.

Psalm 45:1 “My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the King; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer”.
This is a Divine Message of Divine Destiny, wrapped up in Divine Moments of Divine Love, Divine Mercy and Divine Grace. It is a true story - my story - written by my Divine Lover - just as He has written one for each of you. This is just a chapter today - which is seemingly ordinary and mundane. *Yet, He Himself who ordains all my days, and delights in every detail of my life, determined the times set for me and the exact places where He would reveal His Divine Destiny for me.
*Psalm 37:23: “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and He delights in his way”. (NLT: “…He delights in every detail of his life…”
*Psalm 139:16 “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”.
*Acts 17:26b “…and He determines the times set for them and the exact places where they should live…”

Before I tell you this chapter in my story, let’s look at the “wrappings” that enfold it:

Divine DestinyJesus defined this in His prayer in John 17: 22, 23, 24a: “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory…”

 Divine Moments. These are the times when we recognize the personal hand of God working details, times, and places together to reveal Himself to us as the Lord of our destinies. Divine Moments occur in dreams, visions, prophecies, circumstances, “coincidences”, and surely the Word of God. These Divine Moments comfort, confront, convict, counsel. They reveal the very Presence of God who is not far away in heaven, but walking beside us on this earth.

Divine Love, Divine Mercy, and Divine Grace.
Ephesians 2:3b-5 “…we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved.”

 Remembering our Divine Moments. “…Do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live.” Deut. 4:9

(Continue to DIVINE DESTINY - The Story - Part 2) 

SWEETLY BROKEN

Sweetly Broken

I had a vision, which God gave me to understand Jesus as our Savior and our Master…

I was a spirited horse running freely through a vast land. There were no other beings - just me! And, oh how I loved being alone! I ran and loved the excitement of exploring the hills, the valleys, and the mountains. I was free and unrestrained…

But one day, I realized that there was nothing new to see or experience - there was no un-chartered territory to conquer… So I set out to explore what was over the mountains that bordered the land. I saw a horizon just over the hills, and was empowered with the anticipation of expanding my territory! I ran with all passion and hope straight up the mountain...but when I arrived at the crest, a great fire suddenly appeared and spread, surrounding all the land! I was hemmed in!

I searched for a break in the flames, but they formed a solid wall. I hung my head, and retreated from the fire. Hopelessly, I knew I was destined to roam throughout a land where no new wonders could be discovered. There was no desire or reason to run anymore... I stumbled with no grace in my steps. I was broken in spirit, desiring the days when my blood surged hotly as my hooves flew over the wonders of unexplored land.

As I trotted - striving to accept this fate of disappointment - a prisoner locked in by a wall of fire - I saw a structure I had never seen before! It had a fence and an open gate. Again, my old spirit stirred: “Something new is on the land that I have not seen!” But the fence frightened me…What if I entered and could not escape?

Then I noticed a man standing at the gate - watching me. He seemed to know me! He didn't speak. He didn't even seem to breathe. But He was "alive" - like me! Never had I known there was an existence other than my own! I was drawn toward Him, eager to be near this intriguing "life"! Something new, at last! I moved closer… and without a word spoken by Him, He invited me to come in through the gate.

Desire pumped through my veins to explore this new land and know this man who seemed to know me! Suddenly, I did not want to be anywhere except where He was! I knew this place, and this "man" would show me things I knew not. I knew He was safe. I knew He had been waiting for me. And, as I stepped through the open gate, and my hooves caressed the loose soil, I felt all the weariness, the loneliness, and the disappointment overcome me. I felt the last drop of desire to run freely evaporate from my spirit. My legs folded under me, and I collapsed at His feet. All I wanted was a sanctuary and the care I knew this man would give me. He knelt beside me, and I felt His breath tingle in my ears, as he whispered, “Welcome Home”.

I slept a long time, it seems…and when I was rested, this Man fed me, and led me to restoring waters to drink. He placed his hand on my back and walked me through the "ranch". I caught glimpses of empty stalls. My heart broke that He might put me in one of them - and leave me. But He didn't. He never left me! He personally groomed me, exercised me, stroked me. No other hand touched me but His. I was His! I felt myself growing strong in body. My spirit was alive again! There was nobody but Him and me!

One day, my Groom said, “Look and see!“ Then for the first time, I noticed my appearance! I was a magnificent chestnut color - rich and glistening. My flanks were powerful. My neck and head were proud. I was beautiful and so strong! He mounted me, dressed as I had never seen Him before: He wore a glorious crown, a fur-lined robe, and He carried a shield and a sword. My master was a king! And I was His steed - rescued, groomed, and chosen to be His. Passion soared through me to serve this King as His vessel! The old excitement of running against the wind, and stirring up clouds of dirt soared in me again! But, oh so much greater was the passion to ride with Him! There was no bit, no bridle. I was keenly aware of His will - sensitive to His touch. Eager for His command…

Then I heard a trumpet - a call to battle, and hot blood pumped and throbbed through my veins. I started to move without my Master's leading...and I saw a serpent coiled at my hooves. He seemed to be asleep, but I sensed that if I moved - if I breathed even - apart from my Master's will, the serpent would strike…My King raised His double-edged sword and impaled him to the ground!

He whispered to me, “It is time. Let’s ride!”

Known. Chosen. Rescued. Sweetly broken to serve my King! Trained toReign with Him…

SONGS

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

“I will sing to the Lord for He is good to me”. Psalms 13:5-6

These are some songs my Lord sings to me...

What songs doesHe sing to you?

　

BEAUTIFUL DREAMER
CHERISH
WELCOME BACK
I WILL FOLLOW HIM
TELL IT LIKE IT IS
SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY
WHAT AM I LIVING FOR?
IN THE GARDEN
DAILY WALK WITH THEE
AMAZING GRACE　

Jesus and Misty

On October 5, 2009, at 11:11am, my beloved little doggy Misty surrendered to bone cancer. Through her death, Jesus showed me His love on the Cross.  The following memoir reflects these insights...

You are giving me eyes to see Jesus on the Cross! This morning began with a sudden crying about Misty. Oh, I miss her...

I remembered her death - how noble and surrendered she was to the suffering. She had no fear. She did not complain or moan. This was her Moment. I couldn’t enter in. I couldn’t share her suffering or her death. (You had told me the night before that I would not see her die. And I didn’t). She passed alone. (I wonder if she cried out to me at the moment of her death, "Why have you forsaken me?" - as you did to your Father, Jesus?)

I still ponder why you would not let me see her in the moment when she passed from life to death…
Was it to show me the cost of sin beyond the physical suffering?  The greatest price of sin is separation from You. And Jesus, who became sin for me, had to endure the Moment without You - so that I would never be forsaken... 

Jesus, Misty was innocent and did not deserve to die. Neither did You.
She loved me above all others. So do You.
Misty seemed to have purpose in her death. I know You did.
I sensed that when Misty was suffering in the last hours of dying, that she didn’t fight death - it was as if she knew this was her destiny and she did not seek to escape it. Neither did You.

Misty's Moment was a most powerful illustration of You on the Cross. Help me to put all this into words that I might give this message of your incredible love, suffering, death - and promise of Life!
When you said, “Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do”, those were the words that saved all of us.  (Misty never held anything against me - did she know that I couldn't love her as unselfishly as she loved me?) You know my sins...but you do not hold them against me.

I can see You through Misty - in her life and in her death.  Faithful.  Noble.  Forgiving. Selfless Love. I will remember her, Lord, forever.

I will remember your love on the cross forever, Lord. "Remember Me"...Yes, I will remember You...

Oh, Jesus, I want to know this love of yours.! The cross is the most beautiful vision of love I have ever seen in my heart. I want to love like you! Your love led you to suffer and die for the guilty, that we might escape wrath, and be one with You and the Father. I want to die to myself and be willing to lay my life down for others - yes, even unto death. Yet, I know that just like Peter, I do not know my cowardice and weakness of love for you.  Jesus, you changed Peter. He was afraid of dying, but You made him bold enough to die on a cross - like You.  Perhaps I do not know what I am asking, but I know that you can make me able to die to myself - make me willing to die - even unto the cross... 

"Remember Me..."

"Remember me". 

Oh, how these two words from Jesus, break my heart!  He knew - he knew - that many would forget Him...that I would forget Him...

 “They did not remember His Power…” Psalm 77:42a

Meditating on this Scripture, I purposed in my heart to "intentionally" remember the Cross.  I beseeched my Lord, to reveal Himself to me as my Savior on the Cross.  And He granted me a vision of Jesus...
 

1Corinthians 10:16: "Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ?”

More on Communion...

Doesn't your word tell us that we are to be one with You and one with each other?  Is this not the greatest intimacy - communion - we can desire?  But what does that mean? 

 

How can two separate individuals be one? I cannot experience what another is experiencing! I may be familiar with his pain, trial, or sin. But his experience is unique unto him. But Jesus is intimate with that person’s heart and thoughts. When Jesus, who is one with that person and one with me, desires that I should intercede for him, He shares His intimate knowledge of the other with me, so that I can now experience his suffering as though it were mine. We call this a “burden” - sharing in the suffering of Jesus at the Cross. 

Did He not intimately empathize with our every sin and its consequences when He died on the Cross? Only He can cause one of us to know - and care - for another’s pain. The bridge then, of our separate experiences is Jesus who gives us Empathy - the power to suffer even as the other is suffering. It is not sympathy. It is not sensitivity. It is not emotionalism. It is not sentiment. It is not common decency of caring about another’s suffering. It is experiencing their suffering as if it were our own! This is what Jesus did - this is what He does even today as our High Priest who is always interceding for us.

When I have prayed for one who is oppressed, have I not been oppressed, too? When I pray for another to have eyes to see Jesus as their Savior, do I not suffer trials in my faith, and experience the sense that He is not present with me? He who loves must pray for others even as Christ prayed to the point of watery perspiration being transformed into blood.

Remembering Him is not only reflecting on His work as our Savior.  Remembering Him means to imitate Him in prayer, in sacrifice, in obedience, in deeds - in Divine Love. Oh, Jesus, it is at your Cross that I can see who I am to be for others...

He was hanging on the cross, with His arms spread out. His head was resting on his shoulder - He was too weak to hold his head up...I was there - kneeling at the cross - looking up at Him.  And He was looking down at me.

His eyes - I longed to see His eyes! I sensed that He denied this yearning, because I could not have borne the agony of His love reflected in His eyes. Then, one perfect drop of His blood fell on my fingertip and I placed it to my lips.

Communion!