Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness - Part 3

I wanted to do what Momma said. “be still and nap“, but it hurt too much to lay there and keep thinking about the Red Rover thing. So, I crawled over my mattress and pulled the sheet back from the window that Momma had nailed up for a curtain. Maybe somebody would walk by… My nose got really cold pressed up against the glass panes as I waited …

I guess I fell asleep there, because I didn’t hear Momma come in the Big Room… When I opened my eyes, she was sitting on my mattress, just watching me. She leaned over and gently touched  my bruised forehead and chin. She took my hand and walked me to the bathroom where she washed my face and knees and hands with a warm washcloth. Finally, she looked at the empty space in my mouth. I could still taste the blood - it tasted like licking a penny. She told me I would grow another tooth in a little while.

We didn’t talk about Red Rover. We didn’t talk about how I didn’t want to go to school ever again. We didn’t talk about why she was so sad…She let me climb up in the big purple chair and watch TV, and walked back to the kitchen…and for a while I forgot how sad I was in that place inside me. But I could still feel Momma’s sadness all the way from the kitchen to the purple chair…

My big sister, Joan, came home from school and disappeared in the kitchen with Momma. Joanie was a teenager - 13 - and was in Eighth Grade. She and Momma had secrets together. I didn’t care. Joanie always made Momma’s sadness go away…

My sister came into the front room and said, “Why on earth did you play that stupid game, Kathy?” So. Momma had told her what happened…I didn’t know why, but that made me angry. I stood up in the big chair so that I was taller than Joan - ready for battle. Bravely, I answered: “It isn’t a stupid game. I never got to play before, and today they let me. They even asked me to be the first one to come over.”

She shook her head and looked at me as though I was one of those silly chickens clucking away over at the poultry house. I hated when she did that. “Kathy, you are the littlest of all the kids. That is why they don’t ever pick you - and that is why they called you over first. They knew you were too little to break through!” She shook her head at me again, and went back into the kitchen.