Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness - Part 2

I laid flat on the mattress which I shared with my sister at night. I didn’t like that it was right on the floor because the big roaches would climb right up on it and sleep with us…But this day, I wasn’t thinking about that - I kept getting pictures in my head of the Red Rover kids staring at me and my tooth. I think that is why I cried - because they looked at me like I had peed in my pants. I wanted to cry again…


I looked over at Momma’s and Daddy’s bed which was big and high off the floor. Sometimes, I would wake in the night and be afraid of the dark. I’d hold my breath listening for Momma to breathe. She would cough or something while she was sleeping, and I would be okay. I thought, “Maybe if I cough or something right now, Momma will come check on me…and the Red Rover stuff will go away…” I coughed…and waited…but Momma didn’t come…


My bed was right in front of a floor to ceiling window that never opened, but it was so big that I could see the poultry house on the corner - I could smell it, too - where Momma would get the crates to make furniture for us. There wasn’t much else to look at, except for a car now and then. But if I waited long enough, a man, a woman, a kid - or maybe a dog or cat would show up. I watched people a lot from that second story window.


People do funny things when they don’t think anybody is looking…like scratch their heads - and other places, too, that they wouldn’t do if they knew somebody was watching. I liked the boys the best. There was one boy who would sit on the curb and take one thing at a time out of his pocket. He’d look at it, then put it back. He always sat in the same place, and did the same thing. Sometimes I wondered if he knew I was watching and was just showing off. I liked boys, too, because they did things like throw rocks, and just start running for no reason at all. And they whistled, too! Girls were usually with their Mommas, so they didn’t do anything interesting…


Once, there was a girl I watched from that window for about a week. She wore the same dress every day, and I liked how her hair didn’t stay in her ponytail. She never just walked; she skipped, and jumped off and on the curb into the gutter, as she passed by. I figured she was about my age - 6 or 7 - but she seemed older somehow. (Maybe it was because she wasn’t afraid of being outside by herself. My Momma never let me go anywhere alone because she said that cars, people, and dogs might hurt me). I gave her a name:  "Anna" - because I liked that name...

One day, Anna stopped in front of my house and looked right up at me! I thought for sure that she would be angry because I had been watching her. But she smiled and pointed to the door downstairs that led to our Big Room. I couldn’t believe it! She wanted to come into my house and see me! I hurried and waited at the door upstairs for her. She jumped over the threshold and ran right into the Front Room. She plopped into the purple chair and patted it for me to come sit next to her! She smelled like the wind when it blew dirt around. I told her that I liked the way she smelled. She laughed, jumped out of the chair, and pulled me to my feet. She asked me if I liked to dance, but before I could answer, she started twirling around and around the Big Room. So, I did the same thing! Then she flopped on the floor - hard. So I did the same thing - only I hit one of Momma‘s crates and it went sliding across the room. She laughed so hard that the rubber band holding her pony tail together fell out - and her hair straggled across her face. She laughed at that, too. We danced some more and made each other laugh whenever we fell down or bumped into each other.


Momma must have been in the bathroom or something because we made a lot of noise and she didn’t come in the Big Room to see us for a long time. When she did, she scolded me for unlocking the front door and letting a stranger in the house. She told my friend it was time to leave.


The next day, I had a case of head lice. Momma said it was that “strange child” who gave it to me. I’d still see my friend walk by now and then - and she would always look up at my window and smile. She never gestured to come up again…but I kept the rubber band from her hair under my mattress for a long time…