Thursday, December 23, 2010

Red Rover - Childhood Loneliness - Part 5 - Final

That night, the stars were everywhere! Usually, I just looked at them and waited for Somebody to show up. I never talked “out loud” to him - but tonight, I wanted to use my mouth to tell Somebody my Big Secret.

I whispered through the screen: “I’m not little, you know. I cried today but I don’t think that makes me little. I never get picked for Red Rover…but today they let me play - and I really wanted to win for my team - my friends. But I ruined the game for everybody…And here’s my Big Secret:  Somebody, I know that the Red Rover kids don’t like me - even though they called my name first. And I feel stupid because I thought they did… Don’t tell anybody, okay?”

I guess I made it through the next day at school, because I don’t remember what happened. I know I didn’t play Red Rover again. I also avoided any games where teams were being picked. But that same year, I was rushing up some stairs at school to get something I had forgotten after we had been dismissed, and I came face to face with that “little” thing again. An older student stopped me and asked if I needed help. He thought I was a kindergartner and was lost. I told him that I was a first grader and I did not need any help! Then he said, “You are really short”, and ran down the stairs!

Short? I sat down in the stairwell because I needed to figure that word out. “Well, I can’t reach anything without climbing on something…Maybe that is why I am always the first in every line, too…” Out loud, I said emphatically: “I am short”. I didn’t know if that was good or bad, but it was true. And I liked that…

That night, I told Somebody, “Remember when I told you my Secret? Well, now I know why the Red Rover kids don’t like me:  It’s because I’m short…” And I know I heard Somebody say, “But...Big on the inside”…And it sounded like he was smiling…

I grew a new tooth that year - much bigger than the one I lost playing Red Rover.

Anna stopped skipping by my window…I was sorry I didn’t get to tell her that she was “big on the inside”…but I think she knew that anyway…

The Red Rover hurt went away…some kids can only see the outside, and that’s just the way it is…

And Red Rover is a stupid game…

The End
 

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